Help your child grieve after losing their Grandmother. There are a few things you can do to when your child is trying to cope with losing Grandma.
Losing a Grandmother may be one of the first times your child has experienced the death of a close family member. It’s difficult to know what to say and how to help your child grieve her passing, especially when you are dealing with your own personal loss. There are a few things you can do to help your child cope with losing their Grandmother.
Ways to help your child grieve the loss of a Grandmother:
Acknowledge your child’s feelings.
Children may not fully grasp the situation or understand the concept of death. However, when surrounded by adults who are obviously mourning a loss, they are capable of understanding this is a serious matter. Acknowledge their feelings, let them know that this is a sad event and that their feelings are valid. Offer support. Allow them to talk about their Grandmother. Encourage them to share their feelings with you.
Talk about your own feelings.
Let your child know that they are not alone in their feeling of loss. Express how much your loved one means to you. Being sad, crying, being angry that the one you love is gone… these are normal reactions. Explain this to your child so he will know you understand his grief.
Offer reassurance and support.
Your child may wonder if you will be the next one to leave. Offer reassurance to your child that you don’t expect to be going anytime soon. Be present and keep communications open. Be observant of your child’s actions, emotional state and attitude, looking for anything to signal a need for help.
Explain this death clearly and directly.
Consider the age of the child, their ability to comprehend, and their emotional state when attempting to explain their Grandmother’s death. Younger children may not grasp the fact of permanence. They may find it difficult to wrap their heads around “forever”. Older children will have more questions. Give information which you believe the child can understand. Answer any questions in a forthright, open manner, but avoid overwhelming them by going overboard or getting too detailed with your explanations.
Reading books together can sometimes help you find the words to say. Here are some books to read when your child is grieving.
Maintain routines.
Life may be hectic in the first few days, but make an effort to return children to their normal routines as soon as possible. When difficult things happen, it is important to maintain the areas of life that are stable. The child knows what is expected with routine and will adjust more readily if some portion of their lives remains unchanged.
Contact school or caregivers to let them know what has happened.
The people in your child’s life in the outside world should be informed of the child’s loss. Enlist their help in monitoring for any abnormal behavior, adjustment problems, or change in personality that may result from losing their Grandma. These people are familiar with the way your child usually performs at school and can alert you to any problems.
Discuss beliefs about what happens after death.
If you are religious and believe in a life after this one, explain that to your child. Many people are comforted by the thought of seeing their relatives again one day. They grieve, but knowing that Grandma is in a place like heaven makes their grief more bearable. Having a belief in life after death gives hope for the future.
Allow your child to attend funeral or memorial.
Very young children probably won’t understand this process, but older children are very much able to comprehend. Explain the details ahead of time – the casket, the burial, the sadness they might see. But also explain why we have funerals – to honor those who have died, to express our love for them and to say farewell.
Unless this makes your child extremely anxious or uncomfortable, attending the funeral can be a good idea. Having a chance to say goodbye, to hear stories from others about their Grandma, and to see how much others loved her can bring comfort during this difficult time.
Remembering Grandma.
Talking about Grandma, especially in the days and weeks after her passing can strengthen your child’s memories of her. Help your child create something to remember – a candle, a scrapbook, a button memory string.
Stir up memories by looking through photo albums, singing songs she taught them, or taking a drive to the park where they played together.
Give your child an item that belonged to Grandma. Maybe there is a piece of jewelry she always wore, a book she loved or a plate she used when her Grandkids were visiting.
My Grandmother gave me a cookie cutter and her special recipe for Lemon Whippersnappers and asked me to continue her tradition of making these cookies for our family every Christmas. More than 20 years later, I still make the cookies at Christmas, share them with my family and we talk about Grandma every time. Having this way to remember has been truly special.
These are some of the ways you can help your child cope with losing their Grandma.
If your child is not adjusting.
Each child is unique so each child will express grief in his or her own way and own time. If you see that your child is having an unusually difficult time coping with the loss of Grandma, consider seeking additional help for a healthcare professional, doctor, or psychologist. For more information about the differences between normal grieving and worrisome behavior, visit Grief Speaks.